senseless prattling of a nervous mind!

In what can only be termed as a historic event, gujarat university for the first time dared to rebuff students' plea of postponing exams. Good- that the most malleable vice chancellor ever finally displayed some inflexible decisiveness. Bad- that we were lured into false sense of security till ten days prior to exams.
For some goddamn reason the faster exams approach,the more I desire to read random stuff-and that too not within the four walls of home,however comfy it might be. Everybody has a happy place,crossword is mine.Oh,how badly I want to go to crossword. A walk lasting for precisely 53 seconds from my doorstep takes me there. Landmark's good too but not good enough. Firstly I don't quite like the idea of a bookshop being crafted inside a mall and secondly it's far...it takes 3 full minutes to reach there.
Here's something new...ever since I started blogging I invariably keep thinking of things that I want to write about. I don't realize I'm doing it,but I keep doing it.I've so far thought of writing posts on the magical beauty of numbers,my infatuation for speed,some bloopers that I've made in past, politics,movies,fashion,swearing, about how life can be made simpler by drawing analogies from science,about how my mother thinks that balika vadhu is a regaling tv show(wtf!),about how my lifestyle has detached me from my passions-I don't paint anymore,I gave away my ladybird to our servant years ago-the cycle on which I raced with wind,neither do I dance inspite of having passionately learnt and madly practiced bharatnatyam for seven years. Why? That's what I want to ask myself. I want to go in an introspective mode,analyse 'em while writing about 'em. And totally abstract topics too jam my head, like today morning,I read something in the newspapaper and wanted to write an article on how I don't understand the concept of metrosexual men. I've always thought them to be guys who wear bubblegum pink shirts,wax their chests,have a swagger in their deportment and try to fake american accent by twisting the 'r's. But I guess there's more substance to it than what I perceive.
Just eight days to go for exams, loads to cram and yet I choose to blog at this crucial time! But I had to!! My head was clogging up :o
Better...much better :)
ps: My prep sucks,and I'm getting more and more apprehensive by minute :(

oh DEAR god!

Call me insensitive,call me numb,say I'm devoid of emotions,you can even sue me for this if you wish,but the fact remains is that I don't like the word 'dear'. Not that,I don't like endearment words..oh,yes I do.I totally do...but not dear.

Maybe it's the extraneous usage of the word and not the word itself that drives me nuts. I mean..hello! what's wrong with people :o
Despite the fact that listening to erroneous english is nothing new to me,I just can't put up with this. I get rather crabby when absolute strangers,people who still haven't learnt to pronounce my name correctly call me dear. Do they even realise that dear is not a substitute for a name,that it is a kind word one uses for people they're emotionally attached to-not any Tom,Dick and Harry?
The worst is when a guy uses it for another guy-yikes! Buddy,dude,bro,man or even swear words for that matter.Of all these choices you chose to call your guy friend dear-how gay are you? :o
A lot of my friends/not really friends use it too. And although I appreciate the gesture,I still feel weird. I'm someone who talks to everyone,befriends most of them but then there are just a handful of people I permit to rule my world. And I think,it's not just me,we all do it. We all have some kind of hierarchy( arrr..reminds me I still have loads to do in das :( ) in our minds for our friends. I don't wish to admit that I rate and rank my friends,but off-record-I subconsciously do. And being a fiercely private person (Oh yes,even though people might feel that I'm an extrovert to my tips,I've got a good deal of an introvert in me) I tend to get a tad annoyed when people out of my close circle send me messages like- 'how're you dear?', 'I'm at the library dear', 'We're coming dear',etc.
Now I know any normal person would see no harm in this. Maybe some might even come close to calling me a misanthropist. But please don't judge me wrongly-it's just that I feel,one needs to understand the fact that when certain people occupy vital spaces in your life,and you fortify the bond by using endearment words, don't dilute it's effect by using it for ten other insignificant people. My fav intimate words are honey and baccha :),and there are very very few for whom I use it.Because the people I use it for are special to me,which is why it is their prerogatives to be treated as special ones. And then there are also words which are swear words actually but the way we use it is tantamount to endearment words. Like I,anu,chinky and uttara fondly call each other kamini :D

PS:
But then what about dear? What do I do about it? Who shall I use it for?
What about it!! I've already given it away in the post title who I use it for- Oh 'dear' god :)

a journey called life

Today's daily horoscope in the newspaper got me into serious contemplation...and I've finally made a decision. It's hard. It's not good,but it's for the best because it's absolutely correct.
Being a rationalist, I always tend to search for reasons for each single happening. Why did this happen? What was the reason for that? It could've not happened but because it did,it must have some kind of significance.But tell you what...sometimes it's better to chuck this rationalist mentality and embrace things in life without bombarding series of questions. The "Everything happens for a reason" adage is human made after all which makes it totally liable to exceptions.
There are so many people one meets in the course of life.Some who have supreme relevance,some irrelevant,some who at some point of time we thought were relevant but they didn't quite turn out to be so. I have often ruminated about the significance of every single person that I've met. Did I meet them just like that,for no particular reason or was I ordained to meet them? In both cases-if yes,then why;if no,then why? As an answer to my own myriad end-to-end questionings I've kinda thought of an arbit model of life's journey-one of those crazy metaphysical speculations.
The way I imagine it,it is very complex in the broader picture.Like a maze with infinite dimensions,infinite labyrinths,infinite start points,infinite end points.All start points are connected-It is called birth.All end points are connected-It is called death. I dunno if I can convincingly describe the way I visualize it.But the narrower picture is better,simpler and more comprehensible.Roads- long,endless roads with zillions of diversions.A bend here,a bend there.Roads that are smooth at some places,tortuous at others.Paths that are brightly lit,cheery.Paths that are dark and depressing.Paths where you flounce,paths where you trudge,paths where you run,paths where you simply walk.
Everyone has a pre-decided path. When you start, some people start with you. They walk till their bend comes,and then they walk in their own paths. There're some people you don't really care went away,some you're happy are gone elsewhere,some you wish had stayed longer with you and some you absolutely don't want to let go but you can't because they've got to trace their own paths. And you can't tag along because that path doesn't take you to the destination you're ordained to reach. There are also people you keep bumping into time and again. This too,might or might not have a significance. Mostly,you start it with different people and you end it with different people. The end people might be as relevant or as irrelevant as the start people.
We're born at one extreme,we walk till the other extreme- to die. Some die,some end,some perish and some transcend to the higher world. Some might say we get finished in the end,some say we get complete. Finish and complete-to many it means the same,to some these are two drastically different things. Perception matters. But is it end or beginning? I don't know.I haven't reached there. I'm too ignorant,too illusioned,too delusioned-but I'm not the only one,so it's ok. Now what about the people we meet? Well..we meet all of them-nice,not so nice,okayish,forgettable,horrible,vivid.But we must not seek the reason behind meeting them. When you're on a journey,you're bound to meet co-travellers.That's them.As simple as that. Everything need not happen for a reason, we might not meet everyone for a reason. And if one is a staunch rationalist,we can reason this too. Good things(/people) happen to give us momentary happiness ,bad things(/people) happen to make us appreciate the small packages of happiness. And then there are also things(/people) that happen out of the blues,all of a sudden to spark up our banal lives,to remind us that we need to be happy, but then end abruptly-Well so what! We got the spark, we wanted.It made us happy..why complain then! Everything happens for perpetual happiness :)
I just love this title track of an old tv series- Who's the boss? I've been humming it for I don't know how many years now!
There's more in life than what you've lived,
Take a chance and face the wind.
An open road and a road that's hidden,
Brand new life around the bend.
There were times when I lost a dream or two,
Found the trail and at the end were you.
There's a path you take and path not taken,
The choice is up to you my friend.
The nights are long but we're on our way.
To a brand new life,brand new life,
Brand new life around the bend!
So long! :)

random

I found the comp on,as I was going to drink water(oh..the thirst,it's gonna kill me one of these days) and couldn't resist the temptation to come near it. "Oh well,I need to see whether the horribly purple coloured website has uploaded the time-table"-I said to myself. Hmm..it hasn't(I don't even have the heart to incorporate a vein of sarcasm),but now while I'm at it,maybe I should check my scraps.Great,Palla's back in a'bad! Well..that's it,I should turn off the comp now...or maybe just a peep at the blog.Oh no! I won't post anything,I'll just read my own posts.But it seems so foolish to come up to here and not blog.Maybe just a teeny-weeny post.Ok :)

Rnadom things that I want to mention:

- Process control sucks.
- My dreams are getting weirder by day.
-I make,on an average four timetables per day;Obviously follow none!
-Chinky and I had great fun yesterday :D
- I've not had college since almost three weeks now,and my atm balance is already halved :D
-My mother has unknowingly subscribed 'love tips' on her cell :D.She's been getting 'em for about a year now.I do the job of reading 'em. Today I read something that left me pondering. It said: Men fall in love through eyes,women fall in love through ears. I dunno about men,but the women's part is actually true.I have noticed I readily get impressed, both by an engaging conversation and by a baritone. A lot of people often think it goes unnoticed but it doesn't-voice is very important and so are the words spoken with that voice!
- I'm drinking yummy,chilled mum-made mangoshake even as I write this post :)
- Deccan chargers won again :)
-This new hairfall control shampoo that I tried today actually works-just three strands of hair rooted off till now :)
- My nephew amrik,is the cutest kid ever :)

chalo back to the grind :(

hiatus

Ok..here's the the thing.I'm looking at hard time. It took 1 week,2 days, a dozen insinuations per day from my mum, 3 different newspapers' daily horoscopes' warnings,8 text messages, 4 phone calls for it to finally sink in that I'm less than a month away from my uni exams. And the fact that I'm the only one who is not kicking any butts (errr..yeah I may use such a foul language-I'm getting panicky!) doesn't alleviate my worries. Man,this is bad! Why the hell am I such a laggard? :( I waste way too much time on net,on phone,daydreaming,watching trash episodes of spiltsvilla,listening to the cacophonous songs on 5 different radio stations(oh the goddamn high decibels..aaah..my ear drums,my pinna).God I'm sooo totally screwed. But at least the net wandering should stop.I think I'm the only one who's dumb enough to come online thrice a day.It should stop.Orkut,youtube,gmail,rediffmail,facebook-all should stop.And this blog...this is precisely why I didn't want to start blogging in the first place.I knew it! I knew that I'd be madly addicted to it...writing indefinitely about my little world,and the world that I see..it's like disneyland for me! But I can't.I shouldn't.I musn't. It would be like coldbloodedly murdering the already heavily wounded time. I hate it when my life's principle gets violated-Do things in life because you want to,not because you have to. But this I have to,inspite of not wanting to.
So,I'm on a break(hehe..this line invariably reminds me of ross and rachel :D). Off-hooks till the stupid exams get over.
I'll miss the blog.I hope it misses me too :(

PS: Thank heavens the plan to go to college tomorrow got cancelled.I'd rather pay a hundred bucks as library fine than go to college.And why the hell are these slowcoaches not uploading the time table on the silliest website ever.huh! world full of retards!

PPS: awww..I'll miss blogging :(

The Dream

Now now..I know that I first need to complete my In my humble opinion series-but this is kinda urgent. Urgent and... strange considering the fact that I seldom remember my dreams.I remember 'em in fragments,as flashes of a few hands,faces..that's it. I try very hard to recollect what I saw while I brush,but for some reason the dream dwindles away with a remarkable speed. But oddly enough, I have the vividest memory of what I saw last night. It was the lamest dream ever and yet it was a most bizarre one.

It concerned one of my classmates at school,with whom I'd severed ties long back( for reasons that I don't discuss with almost anyone). Apparently it was her wedding day,and she was about to get wedded in the night. We were all invited. Now this woman ( I just can't call her a lady,no matter how hard I try) came to our room,which btw looked more like a mansion than a room, and told us that she was planning to elope. We planned and schemed the whole operation-of how we are going to dodge people,how would we divert them,what things we need to pre-arrange. And then the day faded into twilight. According to the plan I was to go with her and her faceless guy to the court to bear witness to their nuptial. And so we somehow got out of the house running like kids as soon as we traversed the gate. The woman was in an attire that I imagine myself in these days while daydreaming of..let's just say something that makes me very exuberant. She sat on the driving seat,the faceless guy beside her and I was at the back seat. The faceless guy made me rather snobbish. He was the kind of guy I call (and I've successfully propagated this argot among my friends) lafandar. As we drove off I got into two school of thoughts.I was feeling weird,uncomfortable,asphyxiating mentally. I felt bad.I knew it was wrong. I was thinking of all those people back there who would be traumatized at the discovery,of the excruciating and mortifying moments that we were putting them through. I was angry at her selfishness,at the stupid plan,at the fact that I was behaving as a dumb driven cattle and yet was not abnegating.I prayed to return,for something to happen to take a detour ( I know going by the situation such feelings are way too extrapolated..but that is how I felt in the dream). And it happened.The court was closed and we returned.People were as happy as they were when we'd left.I was relieved..and then I was woken up by my mother.It was 8:15. I'd slept at 12..woah! that was a long sleep.
But I don't understand it. Why would I all of a sudden dream of a person whose existence I don't even acknowledge? Why would I be dreaming of stuff like marriage (that's for older people to dream about)? Why was she wearing my favorite dress?(I'm very possessive about my stuff.Real or imaginary-It matters not).Why did I remember this stupid dream of all the nice dreams (of course I don't remember them,but they must be nice because mostly when I wake up in the mornings,I get a very positive,hopeful and cheery feeling)? I'm clueless. I guess it was just a meaningless dream after all. chalo gotta stop.
ps : dc won :):):)

In my humble opinion-part 1

I have opinions on a lot of things that I partially understand,do not understand or do not want to understand at all. In fact I might come across as a rather opinionated person at times.Too bad.But then,I can't be sugar,spice and everything nice.I'm bad too...I'm only human.
It's really not possible to enlist each and every little opinion on the myriad issues that my rather reckless mind strays into day in and day out (I'm a human who's exams are round the corner :D) but I'll jot down whatever I remember.And since I have time issues this post will be in parts.How many of them? As many as it takes to please the oversmart blabbermouth in me.

Cricket,IPL-
In India everybody has an opinion on cricket.I'm quintessentially Indian in this respect.Despite the fact that I do not understand the technicalities of cricket,I choose to comment on it.I call it Indian Pesky League. Not that I'm not fond of watching cricket. Oh no! I love watching the ODIs.Especially the 20-20 format.The cricket devotees unanimously debate that this format is the least suitable way to gauge a cricketer's potential-The most suitable way being the test cricket (yawn!). Anyway, temporary viewers like me look out for quick entertainment.And a game of curtailed overs fits the bill perfectly.Now why do I call it pesky then? Because it's over hype is pesky! It's spattered across the morning papers, glued on every possible billboard in the city,all over the news channels,every radio station it seems has vowed to give the regular updates as if it's a world war,the tv commercials are having a gala time and where do I even begin to say about the the man on street! He has gone frenzy-with excitement,fervor,tension,speculation and what not! It's the cricket fever everywhere-tv,radio,schools,colleges,offices,clubs,buses,malls,food joints,beauty parlours..to name a few.But I was most surprised when the other day our rather dainty Sarita ma'am asked us our favourite IPL teams! In reply all of us mumbled our teams,which collectively sounded gibberish.Ma'am then playfully questioned- "Is nobody pitching for the Kolkata Knight Riders-the most flamboyant team"? ;) Some guy at the back answered-"Not even if we're paid to do so! They're the ultimate lost warriors ma'am" :D. Lost 'warriors'- I smirked ;) I knew it from day 1,from the day 1 of IPL 1 that it is a goner team.Nothing more than a bunch of showy 'knights' in their horribly flashy golden jumpsuits.I've never liked saurav ganguly.And I've been quite vocal about it,because of which I've infuriated plenty of people.I still remember all those heated arguments which took spiteful turns all the time.How I never got convinced despite the scores of factual details that anu,harshit,rohan,abhinav..I guess it would be easier to write almost the entire class, provided me with. Uttara liked him too (dunno if she still does).Anu and I had the longest and nastiest fight till date in 9th class because I allegedly 'insulted' this guy! I have no idea what do people see in him. Anyway,I'd rather dodge this subject-it hasn't done me any good in the past.
Arr.. the time is making a fool of me yet again.I better end this part here only,but not before I mention my favorite team.I have three favorite teams in IPL 2-Chennai Super Kings,Kings XI Punjab and Deccan Chargers (in that order).But because I like Gilchrist the most, I'd be fielding for(pun intended) DC. Although their last match was a such a big disaster..tch tch tch..but koi na..happens! May the best team win!

Summarized Opinions :
1. India bonds over cricket
2. Even if you lose,cricket teaches you how to not be a loser.
3. And yet I opine- Gosh it's just a game! watch it,enjoy it but there's
no need to pore over the blow-by-blow description!

ps : yaaaaaaaawn!!

an almost typical friday evening.

Just back from Chinky's treat :). She took me and anu to a place called Ikobo( yeah..that's how it is spelled, which means my vague attempts of spelling it in the previous post were all fruitless :D).Nice place,scrumptious food but bad parking!As we were coming back we decided to stop by Vastrapur lake( shall I just call it The Lake?). It has been such a while since I visited it.I wonder why it did not get constructed when we had to go school in the same area-for twelve long years.Shame! It would have been a nice hang out spot after prelims,after school-during school for some people(not me! I was a very good girl who never bunked classes :))
Anyway, The Lake brings back a lot of good ,happy and spicy memories.Good and happy memories are related to school friends and spicy memory is related to a certain college friend:P We had caught a classmate red-handed holding hands with a guy who she later confessed out of pressure was her fiance after all! I can never forget that day-that mortified look on her face on seeing the last bunch of people she wanted to see at that time...hahahaha..we still rag her about it at the drop of a hat :D She hasn't set a foot inside The Lake after that rather revealing incident! ;)

But other couples do not think along the similar lines.The Lake is a lovers' hub.It is a rendezvous place for all those very-much-in-love couples who seem to regard a moment not indulging in PDA as a moment wasted. I will perhaps never understand the psychology behind PDA.What satisfaction can people possibly get by advertising their private lives infront of a host of strangers? And some of these love birds create such nuisance that they make the other bystanders extremely uncomfortable.So much so that one really wishes to pass a discourteous remark-Go get a room! (And if you already have one-Use It!!).
Anyway,the three of us found a bright spot near the fountain.Bright spots always give privacy to people who've come with friends since the PDA public shirk away from straying in a lightened vicinity and choose to sit in the dark and hidden corners instead. We then as usual opened up our respective jeremiad. Strangely our personal lives run in parallel.All three of us seem to hit the bottom at the same time.I don't know why do we even bother to discuss them.They're clearly an ilk of people who don't seem to care-at all.I think it is a gender fault-they're all insensitive by default. I would have written pages on this topic,about the things we discussed,about the people we discussed,I so badly want to.But because I'm very aware of the fact that this isn't private-I won't.
So,that's it.We sat and talked for a long time and then rode back home while halting one more time to fulfill chinky's impulsive desire to eat a chocolate cone.("mujhe neend nahi aayegi agar maine ye nahi khaya to :D)
ps: I realise my posts are painfully lenghty,but yet they aren't even two percent of how much I have in my mind :)

pps: Since the next post would be a silver jubilee plus a perfect square post,I won't write it unless some really interesting/sensational topic pops up in my head.

religion and I: changing beliefs?

Unabashed me- blogging again! :D

I have a problem.I'm confused about my religious status.I mean..I'm definitely not an atheist(even though I might've claimed it at some point of my life).But then if I care enough to harangue god for not gratifying my zillion desires for hours together,concluding-"You do not exist.I'm an atheist from today onwards",it is a kind of a cogito ergo sum situation from god's point of view. No,I'm definitely not an absolute atheist...but then what am I?

The fact that I've been raised by a theist mother and an atheist father puts me in a very difficult situation.My non-believer workaholic father stands by the work is worship adage.My mother on the other hand is a god-fearing lady.But both of them,being brought up in strictly religious bengali households were ingrained with the creed that prevails in the eastern limb of India (although I know my father treats mythology,idolatry etc nothing more than cock-and-bull stories!).Hence I too was taught to worship Maa Durga by them-mainly by mamma,than baba. And I more than happily gave into whatever I was preached.

But then a phenomenal thing happened-I entered my teens.We studied in our social studies classes about the requirement of religion,various creeds,hollowness of most of the religions,coldbloodedness inflicted in the name of religion, the renaissance etc.I have been very fascinated by Christianity,Judaism,Islam,Buddhism-but just as subjects of interest not spiritually,for I was fiercely secular.With all my rational thinking,myriad questionings,their unconvincing and curt answers I detested to be called religious.I wanted to be known as an atheist.I guess it was a rather bohemian phase of life,I think it has happened to all.As a teenager you have a lot to ask and when you don't get satiable answers you rubbish it and turn rebellious.Subsequently I started worshipping Nature (I still do),and this belief was all the more strenghtened after reading da Vinci Code.

But now,with passing years I'm becoming more and more like my mother in religious practices.Of course I'm not as devout as her.Most of the times I do things she tells me to do just to keep her heart.But then there are also things that I do just like that..with or without a concrete motive.Like I'm not much into fasting stuff,but because I'd seen my mother observing fasts during navratri as I child,I wanted to emulate her.And now,she cannot keep much of those fasts due to her high blood pressure problem,but I've continued keeping them all along. On every durga-puja,she tries to discourage me to keep that no-food-no-water fast on the eighth day till pushpaanjali,but it has become kinda customary...besides it's nothing much. But that's not the point.The point is, along the years I've picked up a habit of blindly following practices whose significance I don't even understand.

I was never a person who frequented temples. But now more often than not I find myself standing inside a shrine. And I'm actually liking it! I visit Iscon temple and Maanav mandir the most.Iscon because it is at a stone throw distance from home,and also it is a very very sublime place.Maanav mandir because..well again something that has subconsciously seeped into me from my mother,and also because I love it's lotus shaped architecture :).It is not at a stone throw distance,but I go there on every fridays anyway. Most of the times I go to ask for something,sometimes to thank,at times to fulfill a promise.

I don't know if this changing of beliefs is one of those transitional phases,self-imposed religious fad,summons of womanhood,experimentation with hinduism....or is it because I really really really want something to happen but I know it can't happen without supernatural interference... I don't know.I reckon I'll just do what I do the best-react impulsively to whatever changes that come in the way of life.

Woah! heavy stuff today! Time to go back to Mr Kennedy and Mr Davis :P

PS : Chinky is finally taking us for her pending treats,this evening :) Some sizzler speciality food joint with a rather silly name..ibico,iboco,icoco..blah something like that. :D