Wednesday, July 29, 2009

workaday life

A few weekly updates/general thoughts :

-The comp screen had gone blank on monday night and so had my mind at the gloomy prospect of not being able to orchestrate a finger tap dance on the keyboard. :( I think it has been established time and again that I have an acute phobia of being disconnected from the cyber world. Almost a nervous breakdown! I yelled at my parents as if it was their fault, threw a lot of tantrums, heatedly asked them to get it fixed-"My results can be declared anytime! Maybe it is being uploaded even as I speak(although shout would have been a more appropriate word)". I refused to utter a word till the problem was solved. I feel very bad,very guilty about my crabby behaviour with my parents when I'm livid with anger. And the worst part is that they try to pacify me instead of shouting back. The first thing that my father told yesterday,when I came back from college-"I tried a lot to contact that computer man, but he says he's busy. It can't happen today, but he'll definitely come tomorrow.OK?" Without replying I silently went inside my room and locked it. Today as I came back from college I found the computer guy mending it. And a few hours later, here I am typing away the shameful details of my obnoxious conduct. I'm a very bad daughter. Very bad one. I sometimes wish I had siblings. It is essential to have sibblings.That way one's tantrums surface a little bit. Maybe because I'm an only child my parents not only put up with my bad behaviour, but also cater to my whims and fancies. No one except the two of them would-I know. Also, I'm so dependent! What will I do when I face the real world?

- I have started travelling in the brts buses. And honestly,there's nothing 'rapid' about it. Slow as a snail if you ask me. The crowds, I gather have liked it but I'm pretty sure no one's going to travel in it once the free test drives are over and they start charging for the tickets. And although I'm very happy about it (better facilities+less walking+more comfort+no smelly,sweaty riffraff of the city to put up with for a little more money) , I do feel bad about the junta who think it's actually a social service program and that they'll never have to pay for tickets from now on! What do they know that after the Independence Day, travelling in these buses would pinch their pockets.

- I hate life's ways of showing me that my demands are irrartional. That I have a much much better life than a majority of the people. I hate it because, life is correct. And everytime I'm shown this with a proof, my head hangs. Life belittled me once more yesterday. I was silently sobbing under my handkerchief all the way to Subhash Bridge, complaining about something that's not under my control, yearning for something I know I can't have. "Why can't I have it? I don't like this life. I can probably swap lives with any person on earth.Honestly,how much worse can it get?" And then I was shown how much worse can it really get.
There's a very old, heavily wrinkled,bespectacled and seemingly fragile old lady in rags who waddles on the streets of Subhash Bridge, begging. I have seen her many times. Whenever she comes to me I give her whatever little change that is in my hands' reach. I don't think I've ever given her more than five rupees at a time. She mumbles something. Blessing, curse, gratitude, or any incoherent gobbledygook-I don't know. I have never seen someone who appears so much dead inside. Whenever I look at her I think she's just an assembly of organs, devoid of any form of human emotions. Someone who mechanically musters money to buy some food, as if waiting despairingly for a torrential rain or maybe a very cold winter to set her free from the plight of a cursed life. I mentioned she's bespectacled, didn't I? Wears very thick glasses, which I doubt are remotely close to her required focal length. And then there's this universal problem with bespectacled people-you can never see any sign of emotions in their eyes. Also the glare of sunlight makes it worse. Major drawback during the lectures of profs with weak eyesight: you have to pay undivided attention as you never know where exactly are they looking!
So anyway, this lady begs for a minute or two, gets exhausted, sits down for another five and then resumes the process. Yesterday I was positioned in a way to see her left profile as she was catching her breath after the Herculean task of moving around for a full minute-and I saw it- trickling slowly, it made visible a relatively cleaner skin in the region from where trail of the drop of pearl had passed. And I was stunned! Oh,my god,she's crying! That's an emotion-she still has it! Oh god, why does the world houses so much misery? Imagine wailing infront of people all your life and they still ignore you! They look at you without noticing you. They shoo you away. Clean the sleeves that your fingers might've brushed.What kind of life is that? Death would be better. Do I really want swap my life with her? With a shudder I breathe-No! no! a thousand times no!
I remember how depressed I got as a child, when I was taken to the Howrah station for the first time. "Mamma Why are they crying?", "Can I give them the money Didun and Dadi gave me? Please mamma". Fifteen years back, for a five year old ten crisp ten-rupee notes was a lot of money.And my mother let me keep it only because I wanted to put something in my newly purchased Shantineiketan string purse. By the time I traversed from gate to train, I'd given away all of it. I wouldn't do it now. I have become more or less stone-hearted with years. A few pennies would suffice, the brain says. And then I actually feel good. At least I'm better than those who take no notice. I 'did' something. I made someone 'happy'. Did I really? Maybe I sympathize, but do I empathize? Do I feel the spasms of their pain? I don't- I'm not five anymore.

-OK, now this is funny and at the same time..well..revolting! This is one tag that I thought I grew out of. That of a mimic. I thought that along with the school life this too has come to an end because I don't mimc my college profs. I can't bear butchering the language I love so much.
What started off as just another conversational topic has taken funnier proportions. And even before I could realize what was happening, I was delivering dialouge after dialouge and graciously obliging to the encores, as my friends roared with laughter. Yeah..apparently I can mimic Rakhi Sawant!! :O :P
Rakhi ka Swayamvar is a comical milestone-honestly! :D Ew! ew! ew! Bunch of maniacs :D
Oh,nevermind I'm not complaining. I love to entertain people. It satiates the attention seeker in me. While amongst a bunch of people, I like to do most of talking-which btw I do and for which I have a well earned notorious reputation :). But full length video recordings of those..ahem.. 'controversial' dialouges ;) Now,Priye, what was that! Oh, I'm gonna be soooo embarrassed if anyone outside the whole lot us ever views those clips :P

- Finally,I ponder over an absolutely irrelevant, none-of-my-concern issue. Can anyone please explain to me the reason behind the feminization of men? Anyone? Please?
It has become such a commonplace sight that it doesn't baffle me anymore. On my way to college, I spot ten of them-on an average. In college, the count goes up to um..well..anywhere between twelve to fifteen. And on my way back again there are a dozen or so, and if I happen to spot those guys who have it as their uniform the final number increases considerably.
I'm talking about guys in pink shirts. PINK shirts. pink SHIRTS. PINK SHIRTS. :O
Starting from strangers, somewhat knowns, classmates and now even teachers-they all wear it!
Now now, it's perfectly OK to have a favorite colour. Everyone is entitled to his own. This is a free country. One can wear what one likes to.Baby pink, bubblegum pink, light pink,shocking pink,salmon pink,rose pink,flamingo pink,dark pink,flashy pink,fluorescent pink-spoilt for choice! Perhaps the next logical step would be teeming these beautiful and petite pink shirts with pink cardigans, pink scarves, pink wallets-no? Oh come on, it will look nice..aaah,pretty pretty boys :) . All thanks to democracy one can stay prejudiced and laugh at this pink parading without raising anyone's eyebrow.Yes, I'm exercising my right of freedom of expression. Call me prejudiced, call me narrow-minded, shallow, opinionated, help yourselves to an avalanche of synonyms. But the fact remains is that I don't like guys in pink shirts. I have no reason for it but this is what I think, take it or leave it.
And yet I can make peace with the pink panthers but guys getting their eyebrows shaped, facials done! A little indigestable. There are two of them in college-two that I know of, ie. Is it some kind of chromosomal mutation that has occured?Mass mutation probably? I think I studied something like that in the Genetics chapter. When an extra X-chromosome gets added up during the meiotic stage making it XXY resulting in development of certain feminine traits in males. What was it? Was it Klienfelter's syndrome? I don't remember :(
Nevermind, I guess I'll get used to this new metrosexual phenomenon of give-a-face-lift dudes.
But I still don't like it. Where have all the men gone? :O

PS: I'm writing very long posts these days, am I not?


Pallavi S said...

Again,an entertaining read.A few things of note though:-
Its spelt "siblings" and not "sibblings".
And yes,you are quite correct about the Klinefelter's syndrome.Its counterpart in girls is the Turner's syndrome.*Smirk* *smirk* Nair ma'am would be so proud of us.
Personally,for me,a guy dressed in a pink shirt,making parlor trips and discussing facials and manicures is a refreshing and welcome change.It does not necessarily mean that he is effiminate(is this spelling right?).
But all in all,a very good read.Keep writing even longer posts,till a book emerges!!

Pallavi S said...

maybe its effeminate.Please check the spelling,its driving me crazy.

abhishek said...

guys in pink...this is some thing u have repeatedly posted...:)
pink is in especially the crafted whitish pink linens.
personally accessories ,electric pinks and greens even violets..are big no fr men.

something that itches my eyes is guys wearing denims with embroideries...yukk!!
orange scorching red and blue ones...
i find there is is a craze for these colors in Gujarat and around.
i should not generalize but i can't help.
even the likes of LEVIS and PEPE stores r the very same!
mufflers r in fashion again thanks to SRK,u can see guys wearing mufflers,even in dark shades on Tees and shirts.
SRK did it on ramp,and while shooting fr his upcoming movie in USA.
while watching guys sporting mufflers even in wools,in soaring Mercuries of me a sense of fashion slaves we are!!

neelanjana said...

Hehehe..oh this is nice!It is so good to have someone to correct my spellings. I feel as if I'm back in school :)
I make plenty of such errors Palla-I'll keep you on your toes :D
Yeah,effeminate is correct.
And I can't agree to that completely.Which implies-yes,I agree to it partly.I've observed that only those men can carry off almost anything-feminine,masculine,anything-who are totally secured of their sexuality.I didn't even notice when Ranvijay wore a pink shirt(I was told later). You see,what I'm getting at? There are people who have such powerful presence that you don't care what are they wearing.
Anyway,it's just an instinctive,personal opinion/prejudice. Even as I run these things in my mind I can relate to Jane Austen's protagonist in Pride and Prejudice. Elizabeth Bennet had a fault of judging people at first meetings. I have a fault of censuring Men In Pink.
But I'll grow out of it-I hope!

neelanjana said...

Oh-thank you! That's exactly I was trying to drive at.

Pallavi S said...

when did Rannvijay wear a pink shirt?but yes,you are correct when you say that only the guys who are supremely secure about their sexuality can carry girly colors off.In retrospect,it is we who have categorized colors as masculine and feminine.There is no law which tells us to slot pink as girly and blue as a guy color.Its simply a notion,a stereotype which is the product of our mindsets.We are so used to seeing girls and guys stick to the stereotypes that when an occasional break is seen,we get disturbed and start attributing all nonsensical jargon to it.