Thursday, January 7, 2010

idiot alright

Phew! what a day!
First I don't study anything for my vivas, then I get up late.I'm already running 20 mins late than the scheduled time and yet spend ten precious minutes in finding the damn dupatta (I hate this entire concept of wearing 'indian' formals for the vivas). I hurriedly reach my friend's place and because she has forgotten the helmet we make a detour to get it. And here comes the gaffe extraordinaire, after covering more than three-fourths of the distance I casually mention something about the file and remember- "Holy mother of Lord, I FORGOT THE CERTIFICATE!!" :o :o
My friend says it is too risky to go back now." You're the first roll number" :o But somehow I decide to go against my friend's pragmatic suggestion of first sitting for the vivas, explaining it to the prof and then getting it. So, I take an auto and ask the guy to rush like mad(which btw he doesn't :x), make a dozen phone calls to mum, ask her to rummage through my stuff, get home, grab the pesky piece of paper and rush back. Being a rash driver helps sometimes. Although I should be grateful to the all but one green signals I got in the way .It has been my observation that if you get a green signal in the first signal, the probability of getting more green signals increase. Although it is a function of a lot many parameters, so nothing can be statistically generalized. Maybe it was because I had just two turnings and maintained a near constant speed.
Anyway, I reached just in time. Literally, just in time.
I sort of like this ass-on-fire, dramatic life- BUT only in retrospect. :D

Watched 3 idiots yesterday, with my fellow 2 idiots :D.
Almost a week ago I fished a certain book out of my father's bookshelf-Surely you're joking, Mr. Feynman! It's an unputdownable book, if you ask me. How strange I didn't even notice it all these years when it laid there accumulating dust all over it. And the combined effect of both the movie and the book is a little unnerving.

I often wonder, ponder about this. Sometimes in a shallow way and sometimes deeply.Deeply,while yeilding to the rote system, but usually in a shallow way. But then, when I watch or read something like this, the thoughts resurface and I get restless, reckless, frustrated but mostly lost..

What is all this? This was not suppose to turn out like this. College was not suppose to be like this. The head should feel fuller after almost four years of education, not emptier.I don't remember when was the last time I asked a question, or ruminated on a problem. I no longer ask myself (let alone the profs) what is the immediate use of having to learn something.I seldom wonder why I still remember the basics of gravity learnt in school almost eight years ago but am blank about ripple counter that I learnt two years ago. I've been cramming like mad for almost a month now for the uni exams. It's insane! My way of preparation has undergone drastic changes. I hate it. It's so hard to do something that you disapprove of, but the fact that nothing else can fit the bill in this system makes it worse.This feels like a total discharge process. I was not like this before. What the hell happened? :( Something is wrong, something is terribly wrong. I wish I knew how to fix it. Maybe I do know, but I just don't know that I know.

I wish I had someone like Feynman around who'd first amuse me by showing his 'discovery' that no matter how I position my french curve the lowest point would always be parallel to the x-axis, and then amuse me more by telling that's because the derivative of any function at it's minimum value is always zero-basic calculus which we apply in complex problems and yet are unable to identify in cases like this. Or perhaps an unconventional Rancho who'd apply the elementary knowledge of soft water being a conductor of electricity to do something..ermm..well..something reeeeally fun :P
The point is I have sort of stopped exercising my brain. I'm just studying, not learning. There's a lot to learn and a lot more to well..yeah..unlearn. Unlearing is very important. Useless stuff, destructive stuff should be done away with. Now that the problem has been clearly identified, I hope the solution is somewhere around. I hope all will be well.
There's something about this 'all is well' phrase. JKR ended the series with. 'All was well', refuting the rumors that the last word was 'scar'. I like this phrase. It's more comforting than it sounds, in a rather uncanny way. I had a first hand experience of this today.

PS: In my school days some idiot must've been so pissed of being called an idiot that he/she made it an acronym for I Do Ishq Only Tumse!
PPS: How idiotic! :D