No reasons

I don't know what's it with me these days. Or is it the weather? I don't have any other reason.I sleep around three in the morning, get up latest by seven-thirty; Often as a result of the racket caused by the twittering of the little greyish birds I don't name of. And yet I find myself suprisingly fresh. I don't appear groggy, my eyes don't burn when I sprinkle water on my face,something that is characteristic of the exam season. Even before I open my eyes I become aware of the air current propelled by the rotary motion of the fan blades blended with the morning breeze.It is greatly distinguishable,even when both blow simultaneously.I remain perched on the bed for a while, vaguely staring nothing in particular, furrowing my brow as I try to recollect fractions of my dream. A few flashes of faces here and there and I stand up knowing that it's the best my mind can recollect. I go to the balcony first,to get an eyeful of the lush green trees,the morning fresh gardens, a sky of periwinkle blue that is crowned with the golden sun, the beautifully structured roads. I love the feel of the cool wind caressing my face,and especially my hair,matted after a night's sleep. Turning right,I find my father already settled up on a chair,reading a main paper, a second main paper and the finance supplement within hands' reach. I pick up the unattended tabloids that lie on the floor,the ones that always play a second fiddle to the main papers,to which my father never spares a glance.

I go to the drawing room next,before going for a wash,before paying heed to the teeth that need some paste,where my mother listens to a tarot card reader with rapt attention. "Oh,you're awake so soon?" She says,never irritated with the diversion that comes in the form of her daughter."I saw the tubelight switched on in your room/comp room late at night when I got up to drink water( she always gets up in the middle of the night to drink water,and I can't get myself to understand how come can she not sleep at a stretch!). When did you sleep"? I yawn and mumble some gibberish to her daily question,before hugging her. I don't think she expects a proper reply either. I step in the direction of the wash-basin, drawing back my steps only at times when I hear stuff like 'Leo raashee,aapko milta hain,the card of wheel of fortune'...

I have to begin,like I said with the newspaper supplements. I read The Ahmedabad mirror first,then the Ahmedabad times,culminating the supplement reading with DNA after hrs. Then I take on the main paper which by that time my father is finished with.Always beginning with the TOI. The headlines I think would cease to be called headlines unless they don't report something miserable,something catastrophic or something that pertains to violence.Skipping and Skimming news through all the pages,I reach my favorite page-The editorial page. My mood lifts when I see articles of my favorite columnists-Jug Suraiya, Bachi Karkaria. I like a few others too- Janardhan Roye,Madhumita Gupta,err..some Mr Krishnan etc. There's a column called The Speaking Tree. I find it good,but sometimes the stuff is so densely spiritual that I tend to lose interest halfway through the article. I scan the sports pages only when there's something significant going on. For less than special occasions,I conveniently ignore that part of the newspaper. I read DNA after that,only if I feel like.

The problem begins at around nine when I'm finished with the papers. I think of studying for the vivas,but the overconfident idiot in me complacently reminds me of the fact that I've already sat in four vivas with mimimal preparation,a major part of it done half an hour before the arrival of the external examiner,sitting with friends in the lobby and yet did satisfactorily well. No,it isn't worth putting my time into it. Definitely not. But then,what else? Oh,I could always start preparing for the exams that I'd be taking soon. For some reason,however I've lost that enthu..it's bad.It musn't happen,but I just don't seem to get the inspiration to sit down with it. I'm more than aware now than any other time that shortly I'd be standing at the same crossroads,the same transitional phase where I stood three years ago. Making choices are tough,especially when your future depends on it. How I envy those who are crystal clear about their destination from day one. I know, as the months draw steadily near,the adrenaline gush is going to get stronger. And people around you don't let you forget it even for a while. Suddenly,everything is moving with double the pace. Like yesterday when we sat with our books wide open in college(not studying), ranting about the delay,sharing tips to confund the examiner (:D),rolling our eyes at a guy who wore a shocking pink shirt,making plans about the movies that we'd watch together, darting meaningful glances at friends about the seeming gayism of a certain classmate (:P), still behaving every bit like a fresher, came barging in the h.o.d with the news that we have to select out electives for the seventh sem-right then! A second ago we were a bunch of kids talking nineteen to a dozen about totally irrelevant stuff,and a second later fully grown ups weighing the pros and cons of nanotech against biomed with professional interest. Life gets so stupendously speedy at times. After tomorrow,we'd officially be in the final year..jeez,I guess it'll take some time to sink in.

I didn't realize that I've typing for so long. I always type at a stretch,but today I've been very sluggish,wandering after every four lines or so. I think I should stop blogging this often,lest this too should become a task,not pleasure.

Chinky is officially moving out today. I thought I'd be in a very unstable state of mind today. But guess what,I'm not! No sorrowness,no melancholy background music in my head.I don't feel a thing. And I have no reason for it. Maybe,it's just the idea of parting and not the parting itself that is painful.Just as the way some people love the idea of being in love and not love itself. Plausible.Maybe I too belong to the same ilk,I don't know.

Anyway,I'm tired of typing and my tummy demands food. So long!

PS: This post script is only for my friend Priyal,who was rather grouchy after reading my last post-Apology! Abjection! I don't think you're a loser.You are the last person on the planet to be one. And even then you won't be! Please don't stop reading my blog. :)