Friday, June 12, 2009

an era ends

Now before I start getting all nostalgic and maudlin, I should mention the rofl moment of the day. As I, Anu and Chinky were taking out the vehicles from the parking,ready to ride back home a guy came out of thin air,went to chinky with his arm extended, fancying a handshake. I thought he was someone she knew and apparently she thought so too because she'd almost hoisted her hand. But just then he spoke- "Hi,I'm Chirag. I want a frandship with you' :D:D" Chinks was stunned beyond measure. Anu and I were trying very hard not to laugh out loud. After all the snubbing was done,we rode away giggling. God! That was something customary of cyberspace, not real life! :D

So,anyway..the hiatus is finally over! The trauma of vivas still remain but at least I'm done with the major cause of nail bitings. So,one might think that I'd be the happiest and most relaxed soul right now. The deduction,going by the premise is not incorrect-except that I'm not.

It's one of those low phases of life when you know things that are happening are nothing wrong.They're good,they're making everybody else happy,they mark the beginning of something new-maybe not for you but definitely for other people.Still you cannot control your ire,you are frustrated,you want to slow the time down,you want to do so many things you should have,say so many things you could have but most importantly you want to make things as they were a while ago. But you can't. You're not god. You can't undo things,you can't go back in time,you can't prevent the significant changes from surfacing in your life,you can't hold people back,you can't do anything about the fact that chinky is shifting outta vikki...

The first time I met Meenakshi (chal maan li teri baat kamini), it was way back in the year 2004, during the month of march. March end I think,because we were done with our boards and had all the time in the world to kill(oh,what an amazing year tenth class was). It was me,her and uttara and we got chatting about a guy we all knew. What of course we didn't know at that time was that this absolutely irrelevant person was doing us a favor of a lifetime- he was making us friends for life! In any case we got along pretty well,and then began frequenting each others' houses. We wondered how come we didn't know each other for so long! I shifted here during eighth. Chinks was here all along. And so the saga began. On every evening it was mandatory to go on long walks. Me,Chinky and Uttara( Anu,for some reason never joined us) used to spend those few hours blithely discussing funny stuff, merrily discussing the teachers and their eccentricities and stupidly discussing 'him'. God!! Why? What did we see in him anyway? He definitely was not worth the profuse attention that we showered on him. But I'm not complaining since it brought us closer :) At that time,I must admit,I was closer to uttara than chinky. Which is why I was far from being shattered when her family went to Canada for a year. Of course I felt bad, but it was definitely not an overwhelming feeling. There was no orkut,or facebook at that time. We never e-mailed or called. Honestly,we never felt like doing it. I was completely out of touch with her for a year or so. And then one fine day she came back and the timing couldn't have been better because I was in my first year of college and hated it-every bit of it.
From then till now-more than three full years. It has been a roller coaster ride.Like something out of the world from somebody else's life. I wish I could describe every moment of it,but no human language,no semantics can actually do justice to it. Besides I'm bad at casing emotions in words. Let me just say that,every time I think of those days,the things we said,did,didn't do (honestly I don't even remember a major part of it) something in the chest region lifts, something from somewhere exudes positive vibes, my eyes twinkle,I never fail to smile,I feel good,without knowing why the hell.
Of course I don't tell her these things...chadh jaaegi :D

But what can I say when she's actually happy about it(" I'm sick of a stagnant life.I want a change"). It all started with Uttara going away to Chennai,Palla to Hyderabad and then Anu will probably go out of a'bad for her pg. And I wish she really does. She so badly wants to. Chinky will be in a'bad only of course but no matter how much she says it's no big a deal and things will not change-I know they will. Distance is a bitch-I have affirmed and reaffirmed this time and again. This is nothing new to me. It has been happening since I was in school. Of all the people whose parents could have gotten transferred,only theirs did whom I was most attached to.One by one all my best friends went away.I used to think I was cursed but my mother told me-"look at it this way,for every best friend that leaves another arrives,and how many people can boast of having so many good friends,huh?" True,I used to think-For every Alakananda who went away Suchismita and Vandita arrived,when they went away Aditi came,and when she went away Chinky came-of course she wasn't a classmate( which I think was better that way).Anu was there all along ( fifteen years dammit!). It used to stop my tears but still I didn't want new people-I wanted them! They all said while going that they'd stay in touch,which they did too. But somewhere in the path,you lose touch.It's nobody's fault actually. Distance makes people fall apart. It's a universal fact-deal with it. Out of sight,out of mind-harsh,isn't it? But true to the core. The sooner we accept it,the better. I know it's bad. Falling apart is actually worse than falling out with each other.It might be bitter,but at least there's a defined ending. Abrupt endings,vague endings are the worst.
I would someday really like to question the bearer of the universe (if I could) about the dynamics of it,about the way universe functions. It's so unfair that people can just hop in and out of your life.It's so unfair that sometimes everything is perfect but the timing isn't. It's so unfair that you can neither do anything about it,nor live peacefully with it. It's all so unfair.

Anyway,back to reality. I hope Chinky finds her new abode better than this one. I hope Anu gets through her entrances and goes where she wants to. I hope that this year accelerates with supersonic speed. I hope by this time next year life gets much more certain and structured.I hope to get out of a'bad..oh no,there's probably no other city that I'd ever be able to love the way I love amdavad but you know I need a change too. Chinky and my tagline- In hope we live!
As of now,there won't be any 11:00 PM messages saying- 'kamini,walk par chale?' ,' I'm at your parking;do baar nsp ho gai :D', 'utar bey',there won't be any dogs that she would chase for us,there won't be any peacocks we would gape at,there won't be any O.A whose enviable svelte would provide more atmospehere to the fumes of jealously,there won't be any 15 minute walk follwed by a 45 min lazying around in the garden,there won't be a lot of old things-But hopefully a host of new ones :)
Whatever be the case,this is big,this is huge.Chinky's moving out,Anu would be going out after a month or two and I'm on my countdown year....indeed, an era ends.